Premier League Team of 2009

Steven Gerrard picked up the Football Writers Player of the Year award the other day, it was the latest in the line of usual suspects picking up the end of season gongs. Not terribly exciting I think you'll agree, as year after year you get the likes of Terry and Rooney getting in teams of the year, despite underachieving by their standards.

So to recognise players who have actually excelled themselves this season, I've picked eleven players to play in a 4-5-1 system as my alternative team of the year.

Goalkeeper - Mark Schwarzer
The fact that Middlesborough went down without him and Fulham rocketed into the top half speaks volumes for his ability. Put Schwarzer back in the Middlesborough side and they'd be safe and Fulham would've been closer to 17th than 7th

Right Back - Glen Johnson
A sign of just how defensive Portsmouth became was that Johnson was arguably Portsmouth's biggest attacking threat all year, spending the second half of the season supporting Peter Crouch whilst Pompey played 4 centre backs and 3 holding midfielders. With Liverpool and United weak in the right back postion, how long will he stay on the South Coast?

Centre Back - Brede Hangeland
Dominating in defence, a keep part in the evolution of Fulham from soft touches to a real physical force. Already linked with Arsenal, I'm not sure he's Champions League class - but more than capable in the English top league.

Centre Back - Titus Bramble
A but of so many jokes, Bramble showed that given the right support he can deliver the goods. Next season will be key for him though, without the shield of Palacios and possibly the guidance of Steve Bruce too, will he fall back into old habits?

Left Back - Leighton Baines
Hasn't had the credit for his beautiful left foot delivery from set pieces, which is the main reason Everton haven't crumbled after the loss of Mikel Arteta in February, suprised he hasn't been called up as cover for Ashley Cole ahead of the unimpressive Wayne Bridge for England's qualifiers in June

Defensive Midfield - Wilson Palacios
Mentioned briefly earlier, Palacios has transformed the Tottenham team since his January move, giving them the holding midfielder they've been crying out for. Recommended to Wigan by Arsene Wenger, many Gunners will be asking why on earth he didn't sign him.

Centre Midfield - Danny Murphy
Jimmy Bullard got most of the credit for Fulham's survival last season, but just as important was Murphy's restoration to the starting line-up. Showed his class this season pulling the strings in midfield with his excellent passing as Hodgson smartly to the cash from a desperate Hull for the injury-prone Bullard.

Centre Midfield - Marouane Fellaini
Best hair in the league, after a slow start showed his ability, matching the work rate and aerial goal threat of Cahill during Everton's injury crisis (basically the whole season)

Right Winger - Yossi Benayoun
If any substitute should've won player of the year, then it was Yossi Benayoun, not Ryan Giggs. One the main reasons that Liverpool ran Man Utd so close, as Benayoun's performances meant Liverpool didn't crumble when Rafa rotated the line-up, unlike in previous years.

Left Winger - Matt Taylor
Starting his career at left back, Taylor has evolved into a hard working left-sided midfielder, providing vital support for Ricardo Gardner in defence. This side of his game is often neglected as many focus on his eye for spectacular goal - Taylor has grabbed ten of them this season, a key reason why Bolton avoided then drop with comparative ease this time out.

Striker - James Beattie
Ten Games, Six Goals in a move that transformed Stoke's season. Beattie's' goals saw Stoke change from scrapping for survival to mid-table safety, whilst also signalling the end of a reliance on Delap's long throw to direct, attacking football (a rarity this season) with Etherington and Lawrence proving excellent service into the box.

Finale Straw for Prison Break

Even with my incredibly low expectations, I couldn't help but be bitterly disappointed by the Prison Break finale shown on Sky 1 last night. Instead of a fitting send off to a once great show, the finale simply magnified everything that was wrong about the final season - I need to vent about the two hour clusterfuck I have just watched featuring

Lincoln having an hour to live at the start of the episode

And still being alive about 5 hours later before finally getting some medical attention

Then having no signs of injury when signing his immunity, whilst Schofield still hobbles around after his grazing wound

Spurning the murderous attempts of the super villains for the millionth time, turning the tables on them - them just leaving in their super villain HQs to have organise assassination attempt #1,000,001

Heavily-guarded Evil Super-Villain HQs can be entered by just climbing up the front wall. In broad daylight

A bomb explodes gutting an entire floor but evil Christine survives by kneeling down a bit next to it

Then returns a few minutes later with a tiny speck of dirt on the elbow

Brain dead being able to write.

Sucre comes back for no reason

Then C-Note comes back for even less of a reason

Did they even bother giving a reason for Kellerman coming back?

And don't get me started on the plot for the movie - Finale my ass.

WWE Judgment Day 2009

This years Judgment Day PPV was an enjoyable evening of wrestling but in the end only served to further highlight the differing fortunes of the Raw and Smackdown brands at the moment.

The night kicked off with Chicago's CM Punk taking on the Samoan Savage Umaga. It was a solid start to the evening's proceedings with a clearly motivated Punk having one of his better outings with a larger competitor in front of his home town crowd. In the end I felt Umaga beat Punk a little too easily especially with the storyline going in off Punk possibly planning to cash in the Money In The Bank briefcase later in the night.

Next up, Christian took on Jack Swagger in another match to add to their recent series of excellent contests. Whist not reaching the levels of their show-stealer from last month's Backlash PPV it was still a fine match and continued the storyline of Christian beating Swagger to the punch with moves taken right out of the Eddie Guerrero play book.

John Morrison and Shelton Benjamin wasted no time in cracking out the high-flying moves. Featuring plenty of innovative offence, the match was good but not without its flaws, mainly Morrison not really convincing as a face and me having the feeling throughout that I'd rather it was a tag match featuring Hass and The Miz.

Lame comedy segment time next - shockingly it wasn't as a bad we've come to expect, mainly because it actually had a point for a change as it allowed The Miz to continue to get some heat on John Cena until Santino interfered. The Italian then proceeded to knock out the routine that Chris Jericho was doing at the start of the decade and offered another sign that Morella's act is beginning to get stale. Santino needs to manage somebody sharpish, so the shedload of promo time he actually gets leads to something for a change.

Jericho and Mysterio had a fast-paced back and forth contest with the backstory of Jericho promising there will be no 619. In the end Mysterio would actually go on to pick up the win with the move in question - and in doing so gave one of his best showings in a while, plus he was actually allowed some offence for a change - instead of the usual tired routine of having the crap beat out of him for 15 mins before hitting his finishes out of nowhere.

Randy Orton is arguably the most interesting character in the WWE now, with an definite echo of Jake Roberts in his quiet and brooding intensity. Its just a shame it all goes tits up when he gets in the ring, his chin lock heavy offence taking the methodical approach too far by boring everyone to tears. This time out he was defending the WWE title against the recently returned Batista, but sadly this was more of the same.

Big Dave actually has better matches than people give him credit for, but with Batista blatantly still injured as a result the match was a slow and predictable fare. The highlight was the returning Ric Flair coming down at the end to beat up Legacy, meaning Rhodes & Dibiase have now progressed to getting beat up by actual wrestlers, retired or not.

The downward spiral continued with Cena versus Big Show. I cannot emphasise how terrible Big Show is - this snail paced effort shows he's right back into the rut he was in pre-Mayweather. Also, the FU on Big Show may still remain visually impressive, but Lawler and Cole selling it like its was miracle just minutes after we saw the Wrestlemania video of Cena FU'ing Show and Edge just highlights the stupidity of WWE at times.

After 2 poor matches Hardy vs Edge would decide whether this PPV was a success or not - thankfully, their match delivered. Like the rumble this featured surprise interference from Matt Hardy, but this time out it worked much more effectively than the rather nonsensical and disappointing (especially for those with their Christian signs) run-in from January. Where they actually go with result, seeing as the Hardys' are on different brands now I'm unsure, but a quality effort from both guys meant everyone was sent home happy as a result of another strong PPV offering from WWE

Boosh Bothering Tees

With summer approaching, the shops are full of their Spring/Summer collections - I've noticed a few similarities in some of their ranges, with all the high street shops having their own version of a Sugar Puff tee.

Burton
Next
and for the ladies...
Famous Forever

Looks pretty cool, but I'd avoid wearing it to any Mighty Boosh gigs in the future, especially considering the last shows ended with the Honey Monster's head on a spike - a reference to this advert which heavily borrowed the duo's trademark crimping.

Review: Crank 2 - High Voltage

Exploding implants, horse penises, rubbing grannies, Corey Haim and Geri Halliwell tells you all you need to know about this film.

For all the hype about how crazy the first one was, it was still quite a basic nuts and bolts action film - however the sequel finally lives up to the promises/threats of first time round, and goes all out with a clusterfuck of scenes that doesn't even try to make sense.

All in all, the best worst film ever.